How Well Do You Know Your Partner?

This exercise can help a couple to gain a clearer understanding of how each other views one’s  everyday life.

How well we know our partner is a reflection on well we communicate and how much we listen.

Even though a lot of this information is “in your head,” it helps to write down some of the basics and think about what it means to you.

Use the following form to interview each other as if you were reporters. If you are in couples therapy, discuss your results with your therapist.

Cast of Characters

1. My partner’s friends
2. My partner’s potential friends
3. My partner’s rivals or competitors
4. Recent important events in my partner’s life

Personal Quirks

1. What’s his special name for you?
2. Would you rather spend an evening out with his parents or your parents?
3. What’s his favorite song?
4. What’s the first movie you ever saw together?
5. What’s his favorite time of year?
6. What were his exact words when he proposed

Dreams and Aspirations

1. My and aspirations (For self? For others?)
2. If my partner could do anything right now, what would he or she do?
3. What would my partner do if he or she suddenly came into 10 million dollars?
4. What are my partner’s most important values and beliefs?

Significant Events

1. Most significant event in partner’s life
2. Happiest event in my partner’s life
3. Saddest event in my partner’s life
4. Upcoming events in my partner’s life that is my partner looking forward
5. My partner’s current stresses

Take turns as listener and speaker, and write out the answers on a separate piece of paper. Don’t pass judgment on what your partner tells you and try not to give each other advice. Remember that you’re simply on a fact-finding mission.

Your goal is to listen and learn about your partner. Revisit this exercise if you (or your partner) believe that your understanding of one another is inadequate or, as is often the case, has fallen out of date.