Divorce Prevention • San Jose Couples Counseling

san-jose-marriage-counseling-103Are you considering relationship counseling to improve your marriage and/or prevent a divorce? Maybe you have decided that divorce is not for you and want to save your relationship. If so, you have come to the right place.

As a therapist who has worked with countless couples looking to improve, if not save their marriage, I know divorce is not the only answer. Marriages can be saved.

There are many reasons why marriages start to falter. It may be due to infidelity, arguing over money, or child-rearing, or just a feeling like you have grown apart.

While each couples situation is unique, the fact that you realize your relationship is floundering and your marriage needs time and attention is a good place to start.

There are many marital problems that can lead to a couple to consider divorce, all of which can be helped with couples counseling. Your relationship may lack the passion, intimacy, and sex it once had. Maybe you don’t seem to communicate well or spend much time together anymore.

Sometimes, one partner has developed a problem like alcoholism or depression. You may have found out your spouse had an affair and are trying to figure out how to forgive and forget.

All of these areas can be addressed in marriage therapy to make your marriage become stronger and better than ever. Improving your relationship is accomplished with the right knowledge, motivation, and action from both partners.

What Are the Keys to A Good Marriage?

Many people looking to improve their marriage ask this question. Have you ever gone out with another couple and thought to yourself, “Wow, it seems like they have a really good marriage.” What exactly are you seeing?

You may examine what you seeing between them, and how they are acting toward each other. If you are actually witnessing a healthy relationship, you are probably seeing some of the following qualities:

  • The ability to communicate effectively
  • Enjoying each others company
  • The ability to be trustworthy
  • Respect for each other
  • The Ability to Communicate Effectively

Effective and Meaningful Communication

The ability to communicate effectively is one of the most important keys to a good marriage. Communicating effectively does not mean you never argue or disagree. It means that you are able to listen and hear what your partner is saying, even if you disagree with it.

A good exercise for you to try is the next time you sit down to talk to your spouse, try and repeat in your own words what they are saying. You might be surprised how often a major blow-out can be diffused just by repeating back what the other says. This is because repeating what your mate is saying shows that you are listening and care about what is important to them.

The Ability to be Trustworthy

san-jose-marriage-counseling-100The capacity to be trustworthy is another important element of a good marriage. This isn’t just about not committing adultery.

We have all heard how significant trust is to a marriage and how marriages can fall apart without it. But trust in a relationship simply comes from each person being trustworthy.

Do you say what you mean and mean what you say? Do you do what you say you are going to do? Or do you hide things from your spouse? The first step to build trust is to be trustworthy by following through on your word.

Respecting Each Other

Do you treat your spouse with respect and dignity? This is another key to a good marriage. Do they treat you the same way? Partners who respect each other do not berate, belittle, or constantly criticize their mates.

The best way to assess if your spouse respects you is what I call the “Walk Away Test.” When you walk away from your partner after an interaction ask yourself how you feel. Do you feel good about yourself or bad? The answer to this question may determine whether or not your partner respects you.

If you need some help in any other these areas, relationship counseling can help. Trying to determine what the next step is in your relationship can be difficult when you are having problems. Don’t make one of the biggest decisions of life alone.

Enjoying Each Other

Having hobbies or activities you enjoy together is an essential to a good marriage. Would you rather spend time with your spouse or do find any excuse to get away from them?

Disconnecting from your spouse means you are separating yourself from your marriage and this is not a good sign of a healthy marriage. You should truly enjoy each others company and look forward to spending time with them.

How Couples Counseling Helps

The marriage does have a better chance if you are both willing to work on the relationship and look at your part in whatever the problems are. Unfortunately, by the time one spouse is asking for divorce, the relationship has usually been deteriorating for some time. The request or demand for separation or divorce is usually the last event in a long line of occurrences that have been going on inside the mind of the person who wants to leave. Obviously it is better to intervene with counseling before you reach this state.

With a caring and knowledgeable couples therapist you can make the best choices for your marriage and find the happiness you deserve. In my work as a marriage counselor I have seen a lot of couples struggling with the hurt and sadness of a marriage or relationship dissolving. If this is happening to you, we can work together to change that.

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