Reviving the Romance • San Jose Couples Counseling

relationship-counseling-intimacy-reviving-the-romanceRomance is one of the most fun and least exercised activities in romantic relationships.

With all the distractions we have in our everyday lives, it many couples never find the time to be romantic, which can lead to feeling disconnected.

One of the primary functions of relationship counseling is to revive romantic feelings.

Romance is about sharing experiences and getting closer. There is a big difference between sex and romance. In most relationships, if you want the former to be enjoyable and abundant, you have to be good at the latter.

To get a good sense of how your relationship is faring (or is likely to fare in the future) in the romance department, answer the following questions. Read each statement and circle T for “true” or F for “false.”

  1. We enjoy doing small things together, like folding laundry or watching television. T F
  2. I look forward to spending my free time with my partner. T F
  3. 3. At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me. T F
  4. My partner is usually interested in hearing my views. T F
  5. I really enjoy discussing things with my partner. T F
  6. My partner is one of my best friends. T F
  7. 7. I think my partner would consider me a very close friend. T F
  8. We just love talking to each other. T F
  9. When we go out together, the time goes very quickly. T F
  10. We always have a lot to say to each other. T F
  11. We have a lot of fun together. T F
  12. We are spiritually very compatible. T F
  13. We tend to share the same basic values. T F
  14. We like to spend time together in similar ways. T F
  15. 15. We really have a lot of common interests. T F
  16. We have many of the same dreams and goals. T F
  17. We like to do a lot of the same things. T F
  18. Even though our interests are somewhat different, I enjoy my partner’s interests. T F
  19. Whatever we do together, we usually tend to have a good time. T F
  20. My partner tells me when he or she has had a bad day. T F

Scoring Your Answers

san-jose-marriage-counseling-26Give yourself one point for each “true” answer.

10 or above: Congratulations! This is an area of strength in your relationship. Because you are so often “there” for each other, during the minor events in your lives, you have built up a hefty emotional bank account that will support you over any rough patches in your relationship (and keep many at bay).

It’s those little moments that you rarely think about (when you’re shopping at the supermarket, folding laundry, or having a quickie catch-up call while you’re both still at work) that make up the heart and soul of a relationship.

Having a surplus in your emotional bank account is what makes romance last and gets you through hard times, bad moods, and major life changes.

Below 10: Your relationship could stand some improvement in this area. By learning to turn toward each other more during the minor moments in your day, you will make your relationship not only more stable but more romantic.

Every time you make the effort to listen and respond to what your spouse says, to help him or her, you make your relationship a little better. Don’t fret! Marriage therapy can help.

Suggestions On Sparking Romance

Don’t worry if your score was low. Most likely things have gotten a little stale over time. In the beginning of a relationship, couples typically expose each other to many new ideas, like music, books and art. Maybe it’s just time to try some other new activities. Try some of the following and you will see positive results.

  1. Write a love letter.
  2. Escape to nature; take a walk in a park or at the beach.
  3. Introduce your partner to something new that’s exciting.
  4. Talk about your dreams.
  5. Try out each other’s hobbies.
  6. Schedule a date night somewhere that neither of you have been before.
  7. Cook something special together.
  8. Turn off the television and listen to music together.

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