The Importance of Fondness and Admiration • San Jose Couples Counseling

relationship-counseling-intimacy-fondness-and-admirationHave you and your partner ever talked about why you think some relationships work while others don’t?

You might find that one of the things you agree on is that fondness and admiration are key to a happy relationship.

Fanning the flames and fondness and admiration is crucial in a romantic partnership and its something we focus on during marriage therapy sessions.

If your fondness and admiration are being chipped away, the route to bringing them back always begins with realizing how valuable they are. They are crucial to the long-term happiness of a relationship because they prevent contempt from becoming an overwhelming presence in your life.

Contempt is a corrosive that, over time, breaks down the bond between partners. The better in touch you are with your deep-seated positive feelings for each other, the less likely you are to act contemptuous of your partner when you have a difference of opinion.

Nurturing Fondness and Admiration

As you nurture your fondness and admiration for each other by displaying love, respect, kindness, and consideration, you prevent day to day problems from causing a problem. Having a fundamentally positive view of your spouse and your marriage is a powerful buffer when bad times hit.

If you can remind yourself of your spouse’s positive qualities — especially when dealing with each other’s flaws — you can prevent resentment. This is because fondness and admiration are antidotes for contempt.

If you can maintain a sincere respect for your spouse even when you don’t agree with them, you will most likely find that you will get respect in return.Without the fundamental respect you both deserve, it will be difficult to feel fondness and admiration.

The good news is that is can be easy to revive or enhance your fondness and admiration. Even positive feelings that have long been discard can be resurrected by talking about them with each other.

Even if your marriage is happy and stable, you may find that nurturing your fondness and admiration for each other is an excellent way to heighten the romance.

Fanning The Flames of Love

To assess the current state of your fondness and admiration system, answer the following true or false questions:

Read each statement and circle T for “true” or F for “false. “

  1. san-jose-marriage-counseling-14I can easily list the three things I most admire about my partner. T F
  2. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. T F
  3. I will often find some way to tell my partner “I love you.” T F
  4. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately. T F
  5. My partner really respects me. T F
  6. I feel loved and cared for in this relationship. T F
  7. I feel accepted and liked by my partner. T F
  8. My partner finds me sexy and attractive. T F
  9. My partner turns me on sexually. T F
  10. There is fire and passion in this relationship. T F
  11. Romance is definitely still a part of our relationship. T F
  12. I am really proud of my partner. T F
  13. My partner really enjoys my achievements and accomplishments. T F
  14. I can easily tell you why I married my partner. T F
  15. If I had it all to do over again, I would marry the same person. T F
  16. We rarely go to sleep without some show of love or affection. T F
  17. When I come into a room, my partner is glad to see me. T F
  18. My partner appreciates the things I do in this partnership. T F
  19. My partner generally likes my personality. T F
  20. Our sex life is generally satisfying. T F

Scoring: Give yourself one point for each “true” answer.

10 or above: This is an area of strength for your partnership. Because you value each other highly, you have a shield that can protect your relationship from being overwhelmed by any negativity that also exists between you. Although it might seem obvious to you that people who are in love have a high regard for each other, it’s common for partners to lose sight of some of their fondness and admiration over time. Remember that this fondness and admiration is a gift worth cherishing. Completing exercises like this one from time to time will help you to reaffirm your positive feelings for each other.

Below 10: Your partnership could stand some improvement in this area. Don’t be discouraged by a low score. There are many couples for whom fondness and admiration has not died but is buried under layers of negativity, hurt feelings, and betrayal. By reviving the positive feelings that still lie deep below, you can vastly improve your partnership with a few relationship counseling sessions.

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